So here’s the next two chapters of my incredibly weird story. Weird on.
“We have defeated the mighty dragon!” Apple Jack’s voice rang through the streets of Equestria as she and her two bird friends returned home after the battle with Alexor.
“Oh, you have?” said Ashley in a tone that suggested she did not care much about whether or not Apple Jack defeated the dragon. “Really? I didn’t know. Hey, Dakota, baby?”
“Do you know where my necklace is?”
Dakota gasped. “No! What happened to your necklace?”
“I don’t know! I had it one minute and the next minute it was gone!”
“It must be the Shadow Horses,” said Apple Jack. “Fiona probably took it.”
“What?” said Ashley slowly, not responding to the “Fiona probably took it” part.
“Shadow Horses,” Apple Jack repeated.
“Fiona and May,” said Clementine. “And Romeo, too. They’re all Shadow Horses.”
“Yeah – wait – what?” said Ashley. “Oh my goodness! I knew it! Your little boyfriend,” she looked directly at Kayleen, who was standing about fifteen feet from her, “is a Shadow Horse!”
“What?” said Kayleen.
“Yes, Romeo!” said Ashley enthusiastically. “Your boyfriend! He’s a Shadow Horse!”
“No,” said Kayleen, unable to comprehend what Ashley had just said. “It couldn’t have been him.”
“It was!” said Ashley pompously.
“It was,” said Apple Jack gravely.
“Raak! It was! It was!” said Phoenix matter-of-factly. “We fought him!”
“But he disappeared at the last moment,” said Clementine. “Awark! Stinking piece of tripe.”
“Wh-what?” said Kayleen, and burst into tears.
“He’s a Shadow Horse,” said Ashley impatiently, stamping her hoof.
“Just forget about her,” she said casually. Then she turned to Drover, who was peeking between the planks of a fence around one of the barns. “Drover, I don’t know what you’re feeling. You are just so weird.”
Clementine clucked her tongue. “For once, I have to agree with her.”
“Oh, come on, guys, be nice,” said Apple Jack. “I like him because he’s really cute.” She kissed him on the nose and walked away.
“She kissed me!” said Drover in his weird voice. It was high and wobbly. “Heehee!” He jumped away on his hind legs.
“Huh,” said Clementine, watching him bounce around the perimeter of Equestria Square. “Never heard him talk before.”
“Heehee, hello, have a nice day,” said Phoenix, trying to imitate the ridiculous horse. Clementine just looked annoyed.
“I just hope we didn’t hurt Kayleen’s feelings,” she said. “That wouldn’t be good.”
“Yeah, she really liked you,” said Phoenix, abandoning his attempt to sound like Drover. “Raak!”
“Maybe we should’ve let off a little easier,” said Clementine. She walked over to where Drover was, chipper as ever, still bouncing resolutely, although he had just ran into a wall and missed the door to his barn. “Araak. You Ok?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah…”
She looked annoyed. Suddenly Andy burst out of the king’s barn where he worked. “Apple Jack!” he yelled. “Where are you?”
“Right here,” she said in a pleased voice, walking up to him. “I love you.”
“You’re not a unicorn anymore!” said Clementine.
“Yeah, okay,” she said. “Everybody, we can go to sleep now.”
“Definitely,” every horse in Equestria said. They had stayed up all night the previous evening due to Alexor’s roar, and it was evening anyway.
“Goodnight,” everyone said, and all over Equestria Square barn doors closed as the sun went down. Except two.
One was Drover, who was still singing, “Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah”. The other was the one that belonged to Kayleen. She had enclosed herself at the far end of her pasture and was silently weeping for her Romeo as her barn door creaked gently, and at the end she cried herself to a deep, dreamless sleep.
In the middle of the night, Apple Jack gasped. “Oh my goodness!” she cried. “I’m a unicorn!”
Clementine yawned. “What are you doing, yelling at the top of your lungs in the middle of the night? Wake up half of Equestria, you will!”
“But I’m a unicorn!”
“I know, I know.”
“But that’s impossible!”
“Remember when you put Alexor in the air? I think he must have cast an enchantment on you. A unicorn by night and a horse by day.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
“Oh no! How do I break it?”
“I don’t know.”
Apple Jack paused. “They say in fairy tales that a kiss can make or break a spell,” she said. “I’ll get my brother to kiss me in the morning. But by the morning …” Clementine looked at her with wide eyes. “By the morning it’ll be too late! I have to go wake him.”
“No, no, no,” said Clementine, shaking her head. “He’s assistant to the king now, remember? You’ll wake the king, too, and who knows what he’ll do. Banish you to the Forests of Chanter to say the least. Raak!”
“Oh, no, you’re right!” cried Apple Jack. She thought for a few seconds before saying, “Thunder!”
“You don’t need Thunder,” Clementine said. “I think – ”
“I’ll get him to kiss me!” Apple Jack cried.
“No, I think it’s the Shadow Horses,” said Clementine.
“I have to get kissed by a Shadow Horse? Eeew!”
“No,” said Clementine with a frown. “When the Shadow Horses are gone the enchantment will be broken and you will get to remain either a horse or a unicorn forever.”
“Oh, a horse hopefully,” said Apple Jack.
“Yeah, unicorns are cool, but I couldn’t give up wings. Oh, hello, Phoenix.”
Phoenix had just stepped up to them. “I’m really sad for her.”
“Yeah. I don’t know how she can bear it all.”
“Well,” said Apple Jack, “I’m going back to sleep, and hopefully this nightmare is going to end!” She left for her barn and slammed the door.
“Somehow I don’t think it’s a nightmare,” said Clementine. “Do you, Phoenix?”
Clementine thwacked him hard on the back with her wing. “Ow!” he yelled. She did it again. And again. “Okay! Not a nightmare! Oww! Ow! Okay! That’s enough!” It had become a wrestling match between the two siblings.
“Okay, not a nightmare,” said Clementine, satisfied. “Just don’t tell our night mare.”
“What about the nightmare? Oh my goodness, what about the night mare? Could she have cast the spell on AJ?”
“The night mare?” said Clementine, annoyed. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“I have nightmares about her!”
“I’m talking about Apple Jack, you dodo!”
“Oh, sorry,” said Phoenix. “I’m just tired. I’m going back to sleep.”
“Okay. I think I’ll go check on Kayleen, though. I haven’t heard a peep out of her all night, and she usually snores something terrible. See you.”
“Well, okay. Just try not to wake her up.” Too late. Clementine had disappeared. “Okay. Whatever.” Phoenix left to go to bed.
The next morning, when the rooster crowed atop the hay bale that was Cinnie, Equestria Square was still fast asleep. Except Dakota. He had risen bright and early that morning, and with a slight yawn he leapt over his fence. “Life,” he said. “Oh, come on, Star of my Life.”
“You know, Ashley would do,” said Ashley, annoyed. She had been asleep. “But hey there anyway.” She jumped the fence and gave Dakota a little kiss, and together they walked off.
As they left, Clementine landed on top of Cinnie. He was still a hay bale. Apple Jack was awake too. “Hey, Clementine,” she said.
“Raak,” said Clementine. “Hi there, Apple Jack.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m getting my apples for the day.” There was a smack as she kicked them down.
“You know, today might be the day,” said Clementine. “We could defeat the Shadow Horses, and you could be a horse forever.”
Apple Jack was too busy admiring her fresh, shiny apples to listen. “What nice apples,” she said to herself. “I’ll put them in the refrigerator later. They’d make a spanking good apple pie, and – hey, Thunder, what’s up?” The pinto stallion was looking at her.
“You mean in the sky? What?” He looked up, squinting.
“The clouds, the sun – no, silly, I meant what’s up today. Like, with you.” She touched him on the nose with one hoof.
“Oh, not much. Just a-hanging out, BABY!” He started prancing circles around her.
“I know. I’m not as weird as Drover, though.”
“Oh, Thunder!” Clementine said.
“We wanted to ask you something.”
“Yep-e-dadoozles.” He gasped. “Is this about my dirty hoof? I’m sorry, I didn’t clean it! Oh my goodness, this is terrible!”
“It’s not about your hoof,” said Clementine with a frown. “As you probably know, Apple Jack has been having a bit of a… unicorn predicament, and we wondered if something you could do could help her.”
“You know, like in the stories, a prince’s kiss breaks the spell?” Clementine was half-holding her breath. She could imagine only too well the reckless stallion’s reaction to her indirectly calling him a prince.
He gasped. “MY APPLE JACK!” he said, grabbing her with his two front hooves as well as he could without knocking her flat on her back. “MY BEAUTIFUL APPLE JACK!”
“Okay, you don’t have to do that,” said Apple Jack, annoyed. “Here, just – go ahead…”
Then they kissed.
So… if you’re reading this that means you probably just sat through Part 3 of the weirdest story on earth. Thumbs up to you.
Thanks for reading!